During World War II many bombs were dropped from the air and landed on the ground of my home region South Tyrol, Italy. Many exploded and many others didn't detonate at all. Those bombs are witnesses to history. Frequently, during construction projects, an unexploded bomb is found. Recently, two US aerial bombs from World War II have been discovered in Bolzano, the capital of South Tyrol. The traces of history are often not visible at first sight–– however, they still represent a painful memory. It seems that history leaves its marks in a similar way to the impact of a life story on the human body. Just as the soil keeps history's legacy, my body holds the traces of my story.
Some of these traces feel like "internal bombs".
These are the marks of impactful and overwhelming experiences that my nervous system has not been yet capable of deactivating. For me, it is fascinating to realize that the human body is present in every experience from the moment of conception. The mind might not always be able to witness the experience. During traumatic events, a mind-body disconnection can be a survival response, and the specific memories are inaccessible and/or confused. Or the events happened very early in life before the nervous system was fully developed - there is no access to explicit memory. The absence of a specific memory doesn't mean that an overwhelming event or period has been resolved. The body doesn't forget, it is the gatekeeper of a vast quantity of information.
Body memories can be "explosive". On the other hand, they can be placed in a way that has numbing effects on the body tissues, sensations, and feelings. They are blocking the flow and access to aliveness. The body memory is not accessible as it is not safe to feel it, yet it is there waiting to be released. Every personal story may have had an impact on the body and every experience of how the consequences of those stories effect a body is so unique. Despite the impact of overwhelm and struggle, every human body that lives through its story stands in beauty and uniqueness. Beauty cannot be diminished by "hidden bombs".
The memory of trauma may be showing up in life as anxiety, depression, addiction, struggles in relationships, insomnia, and many other symptoms. Those symptoms are messengers of the information that the nervous system had been disorganized and hurt. It has a hard time finding regulation. I have had and still have a few of those "internal bombs" from my story. The bombs that landed over 76 years ago in Bolzano are only revealed when a digger removes the earth that covers them. My body kept the "internal bombs" tight, but the more time that passed the more uncomfortable I felt in my body.
Many times I asked myself why I don't feel the way I would like to feel wish. It is because I tried to build on top of the "internal bombs". The construction was shaky and wobbly and couldn't hold stability. I also realized that my system found ways to function around the "bombs" creating a certain reaction pattern when I had to cope with a difficult situation. My system ran a program, and that program was not beneficial for my health, for my relationship with myself, and my relationships with others. Sometimes without knowing I touched the invisible "bombs" of others, and at times mine exploded when they had been touched. The "bombs" need to be deactivated safely.
Through Somatic Experiencing, a body-oriented approach to heal trauma developed by Peter Levine, I could learn how to access the blocks and to collaborate with my body. Crucial in this process is the support that the practitioner offers–– the container that is held for the client by the practitioner in order to feel safe to deactivate the "internal bombs". Slowly the information can be decoded and newly organized, and the body physiology can be changed. Just as with any bomb disposal procedure, this needs to happen gently and one step at a time. A bomb cannot just be removed! There is a specific process with which to remove a bomb.Somatic Experiencing offers the opportunity to renegotiate the trauma experienced in the body. Once the "bombs" are deactivated, it is possible to remove parts of the material and more flow can expand within the body. More flow means more access to liveliness! Time and safe support are the fundamental components in the healing process to find reconciliation with the body.
Peter Levine mentioned once that the opposite of trauma is not the absence of trauma but instead a sense of aliveness! Mastering resilience through tools, obtaining resources, and developing skills to cope with difficult situations can lead the way out of helplessness towards more "LIFE".
My Grandmother Anna told me many stories about the War and how challenging it was to live with constant threat and helplessness.
She shared details about how people lived, how they dealt with food shortages, bombs, and multiple losses for 6 long years. One thing struck me while hearing her stories. People were united in the misery. Although every person dealt differently with this overwhelming time, they went through the same painful experience and they found unity in supporting each other. Support was their resource and resource helped to develop more resilience.
If somebody had "real bean coffee" (usually they had only barley coffee), or a piece of meat he shared with someone. When a family's house got bombarded they found shelter at someone else's house. A deserter refused to go to war and my great-grandmother hid him, risking her safety but knowing that she was protecting a life. People were willing to do something for the good of others. I truly believe that with those gestures people were gifting each other small experiences of aliveness during a
dark and fearful time.
Every life story carries the opportunity to evolve and to improve the quality of life. Going inward and seeking support to deactivate some " internal bombs" can lead to the experience of feeling more aliveness and presence.
History cannot be erased, trauma can not be erased, but there is always the possibility of transformation, and to shine in beauty.
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