One cold winter day when I was 5 years old, my brother Markus showed up! I experienced his entry into the family as a sudden appearance. Even if my parents explained in many ways that soon a little one will join our family, I couldn't quite capture the meaning of this arrival till I learned, that this was not a visit, it was a permanent stay.
The years of our childhood cycled through all of the seasons. From jealous fights and bitter spoken words to sweet spring days in the garden climbing our favorite tree. From cheerful laughter in the woods and swimming in the lake and warm hugs while watching TV to cold tears in moments of lonely silence just like winter that is waiting for the spring life to begin.
Without consciously knowing, I experienced that I had so much going on within my body, mind, and heart that I didn't take notice of Markus. I never paid a lot of attention to what was going on for him, how he felt, and what his dreams were. How was his heart and what was he afraid of? I was very focused on getting my own life story aligned. Even though our relationship improved over the years I could sense a winterly separation.
A sibling shows up or is already there. In any case, everyone comes in with its personality with its own story to be written. Siblings stories get intertwined and create a new one. A story that can be full of fun and pain, unspoken words, joy, disconnect, hidden patterns, fear, warm closeness, differences, jealousy, and love. Every dynamic between siblings is like a unique woven fabric with different textures and patterns, bright colors, and shades of greys, ornaments, and also holes. All the experiences in life create this fabric and transform it.
In my experience, I noticed that getting sucked into the vortex of pain was familiar to both of us. One thing we had in common was the desire to have a better quality of life. That was when we found each other, on the path towards health.
Markus and I spent a lot of time together in the Peruvian jungle. We had the opportunity to embark on a healing journey with Amazonian Master Plants. The jungle adventure became our base for a different quality of connection, an experience that we could live through together. It represented something beyond being siblings. We supported each other through the unique life that took place on a piece of sand, with limited electricity and unlimited cockroaches while surrounded by lush green forest and mystical sounds. It was rough, simple, difficult and so beautiful. Markus would always tell the story of how I introduced him to Ayahuasca, but indeed it was he who inspired me to keep on seeking and staying on this path. Witnessing the endurance and dedication that he puts into improving his health and facing it with such a unique sense of humor, is still very encouraging and moving to me.
It was HEALING that created a new bond between us, a bond that has been ripped because of the trauma wounds that we both experienced. Slowly we got more in touch with each other and got to know each other. I was curious to get to know Markus, not only as my brother but as a person. I admit that I was not always able to do so, the shared history was more visible than his soul and his heart to me. Once I shifted my perspective I could access a different understanding. Understanding is crucial because as a sibling it is easy to "know" what the other should be doing or not. It is more challenging to meet the sibling where it is at and accompany through a process of growth while being still honest and guarded within the necessary boundaries.
Every sibling constellation can hold wisdom and growth. Even if life might have been in between and ripped the fabric apart, there might still linger medicine in the disconnection. Sometimes it is important to just leave the holes as they are, and sometimes the holes can transform into beautiful embroidery.
I became and I still am very interested and in how this fabric can be continuously in transformation, how colors can be added, and patterns transformed. I learned that accepting each other and also the mutual limitations represent more than stitching together the holes, it is like using the thread of forgiveness to embroider.
I embrace the fabric that Markus and I create. His presence in my life reveals to be medicine for me. It is so dear to me.
Having a brother implies every form of growth.
Growing up, growing apart, growing together... and growing beyond.
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