Every body constantly undergoes nervous system responses, which ideally can transition with a certain amount of elasticity. There was a time in my life when I didn't feel elasticity and flexibility but somewhat constricted and unsettled within my body, which led me to believe that something was wrong with me and that I was incapable of managing certain sensations.
I often found myself clueless about what was happening inside when things became too overwhelming, too fast, and too sudden to process or when there was a lack of care and attention. The nervous system is fascinating but complex, and at times, I found it challenging to understand the mechanisms that occur in my brain and body when I feel overwhelmed.
An image of a particular scene helped me become more familiar with these processes. I would like to share this metaphor, as it supports my understanding, and I invite you to pay attention to your reactions as you read it.
Imagine that you have dirty laundry scattered all over your living room. Feeling overwhelmed, you gather all the pieces, put them in a suitcase, and lock it in the closet. Then you look around the room and feel relieved because it's no longer cluttered. Now, imagine having a pile of dirty laundry in your living room. Instead of gathering the clothes together, you throw them in different directions till the room is empty.
Two approaches to the same situation lead to the same result: temporary relief.
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Which of these two situations resonates with you?
Do you experience any sensations while reading these lines?
Both examples share a common characteristic: their relief may not be long-lasting. In the first example, you are confronted with a suitcase full of dirty clothes whenever you open the closet. The sight of the suitcase creates too much stress and tension, causing you to feel less and less inclined to open it over time. It becomes even more overwhelming. In the second example, you may feel lost because you can no longer find the clothes, leaving you with a sense of something missing.
I shared the analogy to demonstrate how our nervous system deals with overwhelming experiences that have been hard to integrate. The Nervous System has incredible ways of managing disruptions, overwhelm, and dangerous situations. I am a big fan of the nervous system and have learned to improve my relationship with it over the years. Although it finds survival strategies and mechanisms that are beneficial now, they might not be so in the long term. The body can only exist in the present moment. A survival strategy that brings relief now may not be beneficial in the long run.
The cycle of 'how I deal with dirty laundry' can be repeated and can cause fatigue and exhaustion over time. Throughout my life, I have often wondered why specific patterns or dynamics keep repeating, making me feel like I am experiencing similar things frequently. This created a sense of being stuck. Now, I realize that the repeat button of my life was pressed in an attempt to interrupt the cycle to have a different outcome. However, that could only happen if I was dealing with the dirty laundry in the closet and the pieces I had thrown everywhere. However, I lacked the necessary resources and guidance to handle the dirty laundry, so I avoided it and labeled "checking out" as "resting" instead. Without knowing the difference between rest and shutdown, I used all the available techniques: daydreaming, television, and fantasizing.
The shutdown is any welcome activity that can help distract you from the discomfort of the lost or shuffled-up laundry. Those strategies don't reach a level of restoration but might also enhance some anxiety patterns. Deep rest and restoration follow after renegotiating the discomfort and pain by finding resources that help to expand the capacity to deal with the dirty laundry piece by piece.
Here are a few indicators that help me to know when I am resting and restoring
I notice that my breath reaches my belly.
My muscles are not tight.
The activity I chose as fun causes a sense of excitement and aliveness, not a drained feeling.
My agenda is not overpacked, and I have buffers.
My thoughts are not spinning.
At first, it might be challenging to open the suitcase and take out each piece or to approach the lost, dirty item. However, learning how to wash the clothes, fold them, and stack them in the closet can also become a satisfying exploration. The journey of putting the pieces in order and finding lost items that need to be integrated can result in a healthy relationship between the different systems in the body being renegotiated and restored. What needs to be connected is connected, and what was overly connected has a lower charge.
Ultimately, this leads to experiencing more space and peace within the body, which can be perceived as long-lasting relief.
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